omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My cat gives me a boner
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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