Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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