I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
