Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
