I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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