I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
