I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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