Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
