I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
