Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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