Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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