so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
