I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
