every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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