I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
