These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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