I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
