god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
