is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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