apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
