I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
