He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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