I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think my moral compass just broke
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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