She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
