I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
