i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
