And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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