My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
