We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
