Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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