I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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