I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
