nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
