yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize