i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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