I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
