i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
