it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
