Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
