You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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