Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cockslap morals
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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