we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
