im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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