I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
that may or may not have been my penis.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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