I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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