Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize