Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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