Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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