remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
