Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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