There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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