eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
