Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
