My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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