This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
