I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
