when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
