I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
