i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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