you win again, gameday.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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