He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
