I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
