Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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