I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
