I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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