I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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