either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
