Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
