How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
