I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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