Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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