Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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