my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
