i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
