this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
